(Assassins) Celt wisps: Ahem.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Ladies and gentlemen, fine Assassins of all manners, may I have your attention please?
(Assassins) HeBuHeH wisps: sure
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he clears his throat into the microphone.
(Assassins) Sasswot wisps: ...
(Assassins) Fod wisps that he looks up attentively
(Assassins) Celt wisps: I know it's not out normal practice, but as it's open mic night tonight, our very own Maelin, Dangerous Assassin of Raven House has requested he have some time from you all.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: So without further ado, I give you .. *drumroll*
(Assassins) Celt wisps: ... Maelin. :)
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Thank you, thank you!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps that he bows.
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he holds up an "APPLAUSE" sign.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: I just flew in from Mad Stoat, and boy, are my arms tired!
(Assassins) Cortico wisps that he claps madly
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps: Ho ho ho
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: But seriously folks.
(Assassins) Fod wisps that he cheers enthusiastically
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: I'd like to tell you a story tonight!
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he sits down attentively.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: A tale that you will cherish for the rest of your days and tell your grandchildren about!
(Assassins) Fod wisps that he notices it's a very cold backspindlewinter's morning
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Or, if you're infertile, your great nieces and nephews.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Rofl. :p
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: It's a tale that begins one dark and stormy night in Uberwald.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: As a young man from right here, Ankh-Morpork, was riding in a carriage with his wife. His name was Bob Hill, and his wife's name was Betty.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The rain beat upon the windows of the carriage, and the coachman muttered to himself and pulled his hood further over his head, straining to see through the dark and the rain.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Suddenly, and without warning, the carriage swerved as a wolf stepped in front of it and the horses panicked.
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he holds up an "GASP" sign.
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps that he gasps.
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps: (thanks for the emotional flashcards, Celt)
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The coachman was thrown off and set upon by the wolf, and the horses, running in a panicked gallop carried the carriage down the road with Bob and Betty trapped inside.
(Assassins) Fod wisps that he complies duelly
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They were clutching each other tightly when the coach ran off the road and into the trees.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Bob comes to first, and looks over at his wife, Betty, lying unconscious with a serious-looking headwound.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He knows he has to get her and himself to proper medical care soon or they will die. He struggles out of the coach and pulls his wife free, slinging her over his shoulder, and stares down the road, rain pouring down.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: So he sets off down the road.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Soon he sees a light in the distance. He quickens his pace and finds a tall, imposing house with solid oaken doors.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He beats on the door with his free hand. "Open up!" he cries to the night. "Please!"
(Assassins) Ryu wisps that he waves hello.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The door is opened by a short, hunched man with scars all over his face. "Yeth?" he asks.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Please," he says, "My name is Bob Hope. My wife, Betty and I were in a carriage accident, we need help. Can we please come in?" He staggers as his leg almost gives out from his injuries. "Well, thur," says the hunched little man, "I'm afraid I've no thkill with thuch thingth mythelf, ath I'm only new to thith job, but my Mathter might be able to help you. Pleathe come in."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Oops
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: that's Bob Hill
(Assassins) Maelin wisps that he wonders where Bob Hope came from.
(Assassins) Sorry wisps: isn't it Marthter?
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: If you like. Anyway. As Bob comes in, the hunched man runs upstairs, shouting, "Marthter! Marthter! Come quickly!"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Just as Bob is laying his wife Betty down, he collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries. Meanwhile, Igor's (for he is Igor) master comes downstairs and sees the bleeding, unconscious Mr. and Mrs. Hill lying on the floor. "Hurry, Igor, to my laboratory, these people need urgent care."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Igor and his Master carry the two carefully into the Master's laboratory and lay them down on the two tables in the middle of the room.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Hith name ith Bob Hill, Marthter, and herth it Betty Hill," explains Igor, "they were in a carriage acthident. She wath unconthiouth when she got here, he mutht have pathed out whiltht I wath fetching you."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Thank you, Igor," says the Master, "I hope my few lessons in Ankh-Morpork will be enough to help them."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He then sets to work trying to save the couples' life.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: lives*
(Assassins) Fod wisps: "For theirs was a shared existance"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: After hours of fighting to save them, he eventually slumps. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
(Assassins) Erianthe wisps: 'lo everyone.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Their deaths upset the Master enormously. "I will be in my chambers, Igor." he says softly, climbing the stairs to his conservatory. Igor nods sadly and begins cleaning the equipment.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Soon the gentle strains of the Master's piano drift down, as he plays to calm himself. A haunting, mournful melody fills the house; the Master taking solace in the music.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Igor continues cleaning until he turns around and notices Betty Hill's finger moving slightly, tapping the table in time with the music.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Igor looks across at Bob Hill, whose foot is swinging slightly with the beat. Both of them have begun breathing  again slightly, and Igor checks for a pulse and finds one on each of them.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Marthter, Marthter!" he cries urgently, dashing up the stairs, "Come quickly!"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "The Hillth are alive with the thound of muthic!"
(Assassins) Fod wisps: ROFL!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Thank you, thank you!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps that he takes a bow.
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps: ffs Maelin :P
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps: You and your hideous long stories with bad puns.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: YOU LOVES IT.
(Assassins) Sleffie wisps: I do ;)