(Assassins) Maelin wisps: I have an awesome joke about the world's greatest orchestral conductor!
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: (not IG)
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Go for it!
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Oh! This is a line I used on my girlfriend last years Valentines. ;p
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: It's the longest joke I've ever heard though.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Roses are Red; Violets are blue.. all of my base, are belong to you. ;p
(Assassins) Celt wisps: I'm ready for it, Maelin ;p
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: All Your base are belong to us!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Okay. I'll tell it in little bits so people don't bitch at me for being spammy. It'll be just like if we were having a long discussion about poisons or something.
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: Ha...ha...ha Make you time
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Yes. Poisons. Mmmm..
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Somebody set up us the bomb!
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: Ha ha ha
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: Ziggy
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Okay. The world's greatest and most famous orchestral conductor is conducting his symphony orchestra when he makes a very small mistake.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: mrfeather ha ha ha
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The orchestra doesn't notice it, because they all know the piece by memory anyway, and the audience doesn't notice, because frankly, who in the general public has the faintest clue what orchestral conductors actually do anyway?
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: But he does notice it and he starts thinking about it.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: All day and all night he thinks about it and he ends up deciding that it's time to retire.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: So at the end of his next performance, the crowd is cheering and applauding and throwing roses that they mysteriously had with them, and he taps his little stick on his podium to hush the audience.
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: All your base, base base base base, are belong to us.
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he nods. Bloat. Mmm..
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: So they where roses of bloat. oooooohhh
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He says, "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you have been wonderful. But this has been my last performance. I am announcing my retirement."
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: I want my rose back, then.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: There is silence over the audience, then someone at the back yells "Boooo" and soon the entire audience is booing him. He trudges sadly from the stage and begins packing his things.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: As he is walking out the back door of the theatre, his path is blocked by his short, fat, greedy manager, and his manager's two gorilla-sized bodyguards.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Oh, no you don't." says the manager. "You're far too profitable to be retiring. You're going to keep working."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Working, I say!" he adds.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: I wonder if he has a point to this story. :/
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: It's a joke.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: About poisons, or so I have been led to believe.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: So the poor guy gets forced into continuing to work, all the while wishing more and more that he could retire and live on a farm somwhere quiet.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Maelin has a disturbed hold of humour.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Probably won't even end up being funny.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Eventually, one night he decides that he's had enough. In bed with his wife, he turns to her and says, "Darling, could you please get me a small handgun?"
(Assassins) Malicious wisps that he beams at Maelin.
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: http://www.newgrounds.com/toons/index.html
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Certainly dear. Good night." she replies, and turns over and goes to sleep.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: What a crazy wife.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The next performance, there he is, and he has the handgun secreted away in his waistcoat pocket.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: At the end of the performance, the audience is cheering and throwing roses and applauding and all those things, when he taps his little stick on the podium to hush the audience.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but this has been my last performance. I am, again, announcing my retirement." he declares.
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he knows what's coming.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Boo?
(Assassins) Celt wisps: HE SHOOTS THE MANAGER???
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: We get signal, What you say?, hahahha
(Assassins) Liquid wisps: He then states "But you'll retire in hell!"
(Assassins) Irana wisps that she shushes sonelis
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The tuba player stands up and exclaims, "You can't be serious!" whereupon the guy whips around and pulls the handgun from his waitscoat pocket, and shoots the tuba player dead.
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he didn't, then.
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: lol
(Assassins) Irana wisps that she grins
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Man, I am in stitches...
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The police arrive and he is arrested and taken away to custody to await trial.
(Assassins) Celt wisps that he patches up Malicious
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The judge comes in and they all rise and all the boring formalities occur. Eventually the judge asks him, "Sir, how do you plead to one count of first degree murder?"
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Er, if I'm in stitches, that would imply that I have already been patched up
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He looks up and says, "Guilty, your honour." The judge then responds, "Are you aware that the penalty for murder in this state is death by electrocution?"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The guy thinks for a minute, but then decides that death would be better than this horrible excuse for a life, so he says, "Yes, your honour."
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: Ohh i missed the joke :(
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: I don't think it's over yet.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He is sentenced to death and returned to prison to await his execution. The day comes around and the guards arrive at his cell. "Time to go." they say, and escort him to the execution chamber.
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he hopes this is good..
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They sit him down in the chair and one of them says, "Well, you may make one last request before you die. What would you like?" He looks around and thinks for a moment.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "A silver platter," he says, "with a dozen bananas on it." They bring him this and he eats each of the bananas, one by one.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: And dies a fat bastard, with tons of Kj in him.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Wasted energy. :(
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: From eating a dozen bananas?
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: When he's finished the take the platter away and strap him into the chair, then connect the electrodes to him and leave the room. They throw the switch and he twitches in the chair for a moment, then they shut it off again. He blinks a few times and looks around, still alive.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Well," say the guards, "you've survived the electric chair and the law says we have to let you go."
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Theres a lesson to you kids. Get guns, shoot people and eat bananas.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Oh," he says, "righto." But as he's walking out of the building, his path is blocked by his short, fat manager and his manager's two gorilla sized bodyguards.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Happy life.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Oh, no you don't, bucko." says the manager. He ends up being forced to work again.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Against his will, he continues to perform as he is desperate to retire.
(Assassins) sonelis wisps: Oh god.. a neverending story.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Better than poison talk ;p
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: One night he decides he's had enough, and whilst in bed with his wife, he says, "Darling, could you get me a hand grenade?"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Of course, dear." she says, and turns over and goes to sleep
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Who the hell is this wife? Osama bin Laden's sister?
(Assassins) Irana wisps: wow, are we actually getting to the end yet?
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The next performance, there he is with the hand grenade tucked into his undies. At the end of the performance, he taps his stick thing on the podium to hush the audience, who are cheering and applauding and throwing roses.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Hmm. "Is that a hand grenade in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but this is it. I'm sick of the industry, so I'm retiring. Good night." he says, and with that he pulls the grenade from his pants, pulls the key out with his hand and not his teeth, and hurls the grenade into the audience. It explodes and kills twenty-one people.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The police arrive very soon and he's taken away to custody to await his trial. The day comes around and he wanders into the courtroom. The judge looks down at him quizzically.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Didn't I sentence you to death a few months back?" the judge asks him. He shrugs.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "All right," says the judge, continuing, "how do you plead to twenty-one counts of first degree murder?"
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Rebel.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Guilty to all counts," he responds. "Electrocute me, damnit."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: So he goes back to prison and awaits his execution. Meanwhile the prison hires a local electrician to come in and adjust the chair, to put three times the current through its occupant.
(Assassins) Skylark wisps: can you pretend inhume with a rubber dart and a regular blowpipe - or does it have to be a practice blowpipe?
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Practise.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The day of his execution comes up and the guards arrive at his cell in the morning. "It's time." they say unceremoniously, and escort him to the execution building.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: No last request?
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she sings sweet home alabama!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They sit him down in the chair and say, "Well, you've got one last request again. What do you want this time?" He looks around thoughtfully. "A silver platter with two dozen bananas on it." he says.
(Assassins) xHunter wisps that he  "lord im coming home to you"?
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she cheers
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: i love this song, sorry :P
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Ah," they say, and bring him the platter of bananas. He eats them all, and when he's finished, they take the platter back, strap him in, and connect the electrodes.
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: "stuck here living in a trailer" :P
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she grins
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: ohh dang.. forgot eminim's mockage of it
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Good.
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: from 8 mile
(Assassins) Celt wisps: But... 3x the voltage, shouldn't it be 3x bananas? :(
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: anyone else remember?
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: bah, the real thing would be better anyhow :P
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: woo... malicious is on..... *ponders evily*
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They leave the room and flick the switch. He jerks around and appears to be dead, so they switch it off and come in to check. "He's still alive!" exclaims one of the guards after checking his pulse. When he comes to, they say, "Well, you survived the chair again, and we have to let you go."
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: I've been on for a while....
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Why would you think evil things of Malicious?
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: eeki, lag!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: As he's walking out of the building, though, there in the doorway stands, you guessed it, his short, fat manager and his manager's two gorilla-sized bodyguards.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: They should use an electricity mains instead of a AA battery.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she dies from lag OD
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Back to work, Sonny Jim." says the manager brightly.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Now he continues having to work against his will in a job he now hates.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: i'm not sure anyone would go to see him anymore.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He's sick of it and wants to retire. One night, he says to himself, "That's it. The hell with this."
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Whilst in bed with his wife, he turns to her and says, "Darling, could you get me a rocket launcher?"
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he throws a grenade at Maelin.
(Assassins) Quoce wisps: oh lord!
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Sure, dear." says his wife, and turns over and goes to sleep.
(Assassins) xHunter wisps: quick maelin! he didnt pull the pin!
(Assassins) Irana wisps: if he wanted to die so much, why didn't hes hoot himself instead of other people?
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Maelin, you've been going for a total of 27 minutes. :P
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he goes "Doh!"
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: He said it was a long joke.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: is anyone else getting a funny bursty type of lag? or is my isp just cruddy :(
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He doesn't even wait for the next performance to start. "FROG YOU ALL!" he screams, and fires the rockets into the various sections of the orchestra, killing all 139 members, including the new tuba player.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Even longer if you were to add a few minutes to that tally.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she grumbles
(Assassins) GreyMynx wisps: nope, I'm getting it too on mud but not on MSN etc
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: This time the army arrives and carts him away to a maximum security ward. He awaits his trial.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Malicious, that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. :P
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The day comes up and he is taken in manacles to the courtrom.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The judge stares down at him.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He staries back up at the judge.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: makes sense to me.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "You're supposed to be DEAD!" yells the judge. The guy just shrugs.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: ermm..what is this that maelin is talking about...?
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: A joke.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Very well," says the judge, regaining his composure, "how do you plead to one hundred, thirty-nine counts of first degree murder?"
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she oh, rofl! (in advance)
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Guilty to all counts," exclaims the guy. "Those bastards deserved it!"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He's sentenced to death and taken away to the maximum security wing of the prison again to await the big day.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: is this a joke or a 300 page fictional fantasy?
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Is anyone logging this? ;p
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: As he's waiting in the dull little cell, a team of technicians are working feverishly to reroute a sizable proportion of the city's power grid straight through the chair.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Meanwhile, the public are informed of a temporary impending power shortage via the media.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The preparations are eventually complete and the day finally comes. The guards arrive at his cell. "Yes, yes, I know the drill." he says, and they escort him to the execution building.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: How?
(Assassins) Celt wisps: If the powers out, then how do the "Media" send word?
(Assassins) Staria wisps: beforehand
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The power shortage is impending, Celt.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: He said impending
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Anyway.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: *tv blinks on* "If you haven't noticed; your power is out!" *tv blinks off*
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she sings killing in the name of!
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Aww, that makes no fun. :(
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They sit him down in the chair and say, "Well, what do you want for your last request?"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "A silver platter," he begins,
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "...with three dozen bananas on it?" finish the guards. "Like this one?"
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: They shouldn't be calling it his last request.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: havent heard this song for ages...*brings out her old rage against the machine MP3's*
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "Yes," he says, "that will do nicely." So he eats each of the bananas, one by one, and about an hour or so later they take the finished platter away and begin strapping him into the chair
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They check the bonds carefully, and connect all the electrodes.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: Then they leave the room, lock the door, evacuate the building and throw the switch by remote control from some two kilometres away.
(Assassins) Ruogii wisps: lol
(Assassins) Celt wisps: ffs, why don't they just poison the bananas? ;p
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Or behead him.
(Assassins) Skylark wisps: ITYM take off and nuke the site from orbit ... it's the only way to be sure.
(Assassins) Staria wisps: if this joke made any sense he would have killed the manager
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The whole execution building of the prison explodes and once the dust has settled they begin sifting through the wreckage for his ruined body.
(Assassins) Ruogii wisps: Or arm the audience.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Or behead him, and drive the poisoned bananas through the would.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: They find it and prepare it for his burial. His funeral day comes soon after.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: *wound?
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: However, as the pallbearers are carrying the coffin down the aisle, women faint as he climbs out, alive!
(Assassins) Irana wisps: knew it wouldn't last ;p
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Didn't see that coming
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: He is immediately rushed to a press conference.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: are watchman tuff?
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Moderately.
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: dwarven ones that it
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: *is
(Assassins) Skylark wisps: speaking of which I'm trying to track down my dead great uncle-in-law, do you know how hard it is when the gubmint won't let you see a copy of his death certificate.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: One reporter stands and says, "Steve Johnson, Daily Inquiring Gazette. Sir, you've survived three counts of the electric chair. What do you have to say for yourself?"
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: The guy shrugs.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "I've tried telling people before," he says,
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: "I'm just a bad conductor."
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: that is the worse joke ever!
(Assassins) Araltaln wisps that he smiles happily.
(Assassins) Liquid wisps: Holy shit, that was terrible
(Assassins) Irana wisps that she groans
(Assassins) Lilax wisps that she dies
(Assassins) Ruogii wisps: rofl
(Assassins) Quoce wisps that he falls over in relief
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Maelin you're my hero. :D
(Assassins) Irana wisps that she grins
(Assassins) Staria wisps: 45 minutes of our lives for that?
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: rofl
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Who logged it??
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: "laughs
(Assassins) Irana wisps: and there were how many of us hanging on? ;)
(Assassins) Lilax wisps: it was so bad and so time consuming that i cant help but laugh
(Assassins) sonelis wisps that he pulls the pin this time.
(Assassins) Maelin wisps that he beams brightly.
(Assassins) Ezic wisps: I've got a log of it.
(Assassins) Liquid wisps: People log this, I have offical reason to kill Maelin for crimes against the Guild.
(Assassins) Ruogii wisps that he laughs at Liquid
(Assassins) GreyMynx wisps that she laughs
(Assassins) Mrfeather wisps: Leave Mae alone, it's a joke, It's just not rude so you done like it.
(Assassins) Malicious wisps: Exactly. And he should know better.
(Assassins) Celt wisps: I loved it. ;p
(Assassins) Celt wisps: Thanks Maelin. :P
(Assassins) Irana wisps: it was great, really ;)
(Assassins) Maelin wisps: You're welcome, Celt :)